Utd clear the deadwood – all the latest Prem (every team), transfer info!

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ARSENAL

Matt Turner, an American ‘keeper, has joined from New England Revolution for £4.7m, with a potential £3.2m in add-ons….that much for a bench warmer?

Marquinhos, a teenage striker from Sao Paulo and described as a “player for the future”….£3m….and joining Lacazette and Guendouzi on the bus out is Dinos Mavropanos, a Greek defnder who had been on loan at Stuttgart for two years and they’ve finally decided to shell out £3m for him.

ASTON VILLA

Diego Carlos has signed from Sevilla for £26m. Said, “I cannot believe I’m here – it’s a dream to compete in the Premier League”. Sounds to me like he’s starstruck!

Countinho has made his move permanent….£17.2m….Barca must be spitting fur having paid Liverpool the price of a small Caribbean Island for him…£106m and they still owed the Reds money!

Robin Olsen (‘keeper), has signed on loan from Roma. £3m for a loan player? I’ll never understand why it costs anything other than the wages a bloke earns?

Boubacar Kamara has been brought in on a free from Marseille and Gerrard rates him as one of the best young players in Europe. If that’s true then he’s off to a bigger club for mega bucks next year!

AFC BOURNEMOUTH

Gary Cahill has been released and we only know this because he Tweeted it!

BRENTFORD

Nobody has come in yet but they’ve shown the door to four:

  • DOMINIC JEFFERIES….to Gillingham for an undisclosed Sum. Described as an “energetic box to box player”, by Gillingham’s manager….code for “runs about a lot but not much cop”?
  • BEN HOCKENHULL….who, I hear you cry? No good asking me. Ball playing centre back apparently who was a Man Utd youth player before joining Brentford in 2020….hasn’t lasted there long….now at Tranmere. Probably one of those lads we see on those programmes putting balls in a bucket from half a mile but if asked to play “football” would be in A&E before half-time.
  • MATHIAS JORGENSEN….defender….released and sent back to Denmark. Known as Zanka. No idea why.
  • JULIAN JEANVIER….defender, released. Suffered a cruciate last season and obviously he doesn’t look like making it back.

BRIGHTON

In comes Julio Encisco for £9.5m from Libertad…you know, Libertad? Play in Paraguay apparently. I Googled them and it came up with Rotten Tomatoes. Anyway, Graham Potter seems happy, “exciting young talent”…”will join up with the first team squad and, “complement our attacking options. Bench player then.

Out go YVES BISSOUMA to Spurs for £25m…could hit £35m with add-ons.

Jayson Molumby to West Brom for £1m (in the world of the Premier League a new tea lady costs more, doesn’t she?), and Lars Dendoncker has been let go on a free….obviously not as good as his brother, who plays for Wolves.

Tudor Baluta…been at the Amex for over three years, never seen a first team shirt….released on a free.

CHELSEA

Holy cow…seven…SEVEN….gone…and not a penny for any of them?

  • U21 ‘keeper Bergstrom….to Peterborough on loan.
  • Clarke-Salter, defender….free to QPR
  • Niguez….midfielder they had on loan….sent back to Atletico Madrid.
  • Rudiger…on a free Real Madrid after Chelsea said diddly to him about a new contract…apparently.
  • Danny Drinkwater….admits this was a “business move” that went wrong and now free to go to whoever wants him.
  • Musonda….knee injury way back in 2018, not played since and he’s been sent packing.
  • Andreas Christensen…on a free to Barcelona

I’m thinking Chelsea are in deep doodah.

CRYSTAL PALACE

Two lads been told to sling their hooks….Martin Kelly…eight years at Selhurst Park and “off you go, son!”….released and is now a free agent.

Jaroslaw Jach has also packed his bags! A defender who has been at Palace for four years, been loaned out five times and only made one first team appearance. Not saying he was not cutting the mustard but five loans and no move?

EVERTON

Nothing to add from last night.

FULHAM

Wow, they’ve been busy getting shut of people! Liverpool have signed Fabio Carvalho for £7.7m but they’ve shipped out six on “frees”….Timmy Abraham (Tammy’s brother), Jean Michel Seri, who cost them £18m from Nice in 2018 (saw Fulham coming then, eh!), a Jamaican lad called Michael Hector, Spanish ‘keeper Fabri, Alfie Mawson and Irish defender Cyrus Christie. Guess they’ll be playing Wigan next season then!

LEEDS UTD

What’s all this “undisclosed fee” nonsense? Nohan Kenneh….an U17 International to Hibernian….if it was two bottles of pop and a tube of Pringles, just say so?

In comes Brendan Anderson from Red Bull for £24.7m, a 21 year old play maker, Marc Roca from Bayern for £10m and a Red Bull defender Rasmus Kristensen….scored 10 goals and had eight assists last season so Fantasy Football players might look at him.

LEICESTER CITY

Nobody in as yet but Vontae Daley-Campbell has gone to Cardiff on a free. I can just imagine how much his shirt will cost any Bluebirds fan at a fiver per letter on the back!

Eldin Jakupovic….Swiss ‘keeper, now a free agent having been released.

LIVERPOOL

The two in I mentioned last night with Carvalho mentioned above. In addition to Mane leaving four have been released on “frees”….Sheyi Ojo, Lorus Karius (I was going to say ‘keeper but anyone who saw the 2018 Champions League final might dispute that), Divock Origi, who leaves as a hero (probably for Milan), and Ben Woodburn who spent last season at Hearts on loan.

MANCHESTER CITY

No further updates on yesterday.

MANCHESTER UNITED

Not a sausage signed as yet but they’ve shifted some out and probably freed up millions in salaries! Out…all on “frees”

  • MATIC
  • MATA
  • LINGARD
  • POGBA
  • CAVANI
  • GRANT….retired and joins Ipswich as first team coach.

NEWCASTLE UTD

In addition to Matt Targett they have brought in a 17 year old kid from Galway United, Alex Murphy. He’s joined the academy for another undisclosed fee.

NOTTINGHAM FOREST

Just two lads released, Figueiredo and Carl Jenkinson, the former Arsenal lad who had been on loan at Melbourne City.

SOUTHAMPTON

Two ‘keepers out, Forster (gone to Spurs), and Lewis, two in, Bzuna from City (£12m), and a bloke called Lis who has arrived from Altay SK…a 25 year old, who they got on a free, and who Hasenhuttl say has his best years ahead of him? Not in football terms he hasn’t!

They’ve also brought in a kid from Sutton United, 17 year old Alex Iwumene, who joins their academy.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

Celtic have signed their American defender Carter-Vickers and is he going to have fun trying to understand what being said up there!…£6m they got for him.

The ‘keeper they had on loan from Atalanta has been told to pack his bags.

The 33 year old Perisic, who has played for Conte before, has joined on a free. Good player…or he was.

WEST HAM UTD

Mark Noble has retired (only two years older than Perisic!), and David Martin (Alvin’s lad), has been released, as has Yarmalenko, and Ryan Fredericks (Fulham and Southampton apparently interested in him), with Alex Kral off home to Mpscow having failed to impress on his loan season.

WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS

Just “outs” here…Vinagre….nearly called him Vinegar!….to Sporting for £8.5m after they saw enough during his loan spell there last season.

Saiss has gone to Besiktas on a free, Marcal has been released and is off home to Brazil, and veteran ‘keeper John Ruddy has ended his five years there.

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